


Acceptance Isn't All That It's Cracked Up To Be

by wordstothewisereaders



Series: Destiel Works [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 13:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14238150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstothewisereaders/pseuds/wordstothewisereaders
Summary: When John Winchester watches Dean's actions around Cas, Dean feels his heart sink to the bottom of his chest. Harsh words are bounced off the walls as soon as Cas steps foot out of the room. Sam tries to intervene, but Dean sent him away. He had to deal with his own demons, especially the ones he had been, and still was, pushing down for over a decade. There are some evils that never really leave, no matter how hard you fight them.





	Acceptance Isn't All That It's Cracked Up To Be

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on John Winchester, so whether it fits into canon is up to you! I hope you like it either way!!

When John Winchester shows up one fateful Saturday morning at the bunker's doorsteps, Dean nearly collapses. He can hardly speak as he pushes Sam behind him and tests John with silver and every other monster repellent he can think of. He can hardly breathe as he stares down his old man, the one he vowed to forget. There are some people you can never really get over, no matter how much you swear that you hate them. 

When John Winchester embraces Sam for the first time, Dean holds his breath. He spent half of his life protecting Sammy from the man in front of him on his drunkest nights and maddest moments. He never really accepted leaving his little brother completely dependent upon his father as an option. There are some things that are instinctual, no matter how long you try to shake them.

When John Winchester meets Castiel after he returns home, having completed a case in Wyoming, Dean is cautious. John was never one for any former supreme beings, no matter how kind they were. He shakes Cas' hand reluctantly as Dean introduces them. Dean holds his breath as he walks on eggshells around his father. There are some things you can never change, no matter how hard you try. 

When John Winchester watches Dean's actions around Cas, Dean feels his heart sink to the bottom of his chest. Harsh words are bounced off the walls as soon as Cas steps foot out of the room. Sam tries to intervene, but Dean sent him away. He had to deal with his own demons, especially the ones he had been, and still was, pushing down for over a decade. There are some evils that never really leave, no matter how hard you fight them.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" John demanded, slamming his hand against the map table in the war room. His speech was ever so slower than normal, lessened by the amount of whiskey he had had only half an hour earlier. Dean could smell the alcohol on him, just like the old days. He had been reluctant to hand over the whiskey bottle, but he wanted to avoid any conflict he could.

"Dad, I-" 

"No. Hell no. You are absolutely not... _with_  some world-screwing angel, much less a boy world-screwing angel." John spat as he loomed over Dean. 

"I'm not  _with_  anyone, thanks," Dean said between gritted teeth. "It's rather hard to be  _with_  someone when you don't know what tomorrow looks like."

"Don't lie to me. I watched you. The way you look at him, it's sick. How long was it going to take you to tell me, hmm? Thought I wouldn't notice?" 

Dean's face was growing redder and redder as he looked his father in the eye. He should have known it was too good to be true. Having John Winchester back without his elusive bitterness was never probable. 

"Before today, I really didn't give a damn what you thought about how I looked at anyone that way, Dad. You know why? Because you were dead." 

"Don't play that card. That ain't what this is about. I know I messed up some raising you boys, but I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I brought up such an abomination as what I saw in your eyes tonight." John snarled. 

Dean was on his feet now, adrenaline-fueled by pure hurting and anger. "Why do you give a damn? You sure as hell didn't when I was a kid. He doesn't even freaking know, okay? And even if I was with him, what does it matter? At least I would be happy! That's a helluva lot more than what your raising did for me." 

It took John three long strides to get around the table, directly in front of Dean. He was holding his son up by the collar of his shirt, pinning him to the wall before Dean could blink. 

"You don't talk to me like that. You understand me?" John asked, veins in his temple throbbing. 

"Oh, I understand. Doesn't mean a thing," Dean said as he grasped at John's arms to loosen his grip. 

John slammed him harder against the wall. Before Dean could react, John was throwing a punch, connecting with Dean's jaw and eliciting a painful cracking noise. Dean cried out as he hit the floor, hand cradling his face. 

"Get out!" Dean shouted, wincing as he moved his mouth. Rage boiled through his veins, overriding any other emotion he could possibly be feeling. 

"Hell no, boy. You're coming with me, away from this place. Away from  _him_." John said the pronoun like it physically pained him. 

Dean swung at his father's face, fist being caught by the other man. John swung back, making contact with the other side of Dean's face. He struck another blow between Dean's left ribs. 

"You're not my son. You're just a pathetic excuse for another monster. You're nothing anymore, Dean." John sneered. 

"I said get the hell out," Dean said. He sunk down against the wall to the floor as he heard his father climbing the steps. 

"Don't be expecting me back at this shithole. And don't invite me to the damned wedding either." 

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Dean yelled back, grimacing as the door slammed shut behind him. 

He let the darkness take over before the pain kicked in.

* * *

A warm hand squeezed Dean's as he slowly woke up, disoriented. He noticed he was no longer on the cold bunker floor, but in his own bed. He tried to sit up suddenly, wheezing painfully as a sharp burning feeling erupted in his side. 

"Careful," a soft voice whispered. 

 All it took was the pain and the painfully familiar voice to send Dean into a spiral of memories from the night before. He felt his heart beat faster and faster as he relived his father's words and the harsh blows that had landed him where he was now. 

Tears welled heavily in Dean's eyes as he replayed it all. 

"Shh." the voice said soothingly, "He's gone." 

Dean blinked away hot and heavy tears as he looked at the ocean blue eyes staring back at him. 

"I'm so sorry." He said quietly. 

"You shouldn't apologize for who you are," Cas said. "You shouldn't have to apologize for a damned thing." 

"Cas, what he said...what I said..." Dean stuttered lostly.

"What you said, you meant. No one can blame you for that." Cas replied. 

"So I take it that you know, then?" Dean said bitterly as he shook his head. "I understand if you don't want me. Hell, I don't blame you; there's no way you possibly could. _I_ wouldn't want me."

"Dean, how can you talk about yourself like that?" Cas asked sadly. 

"All I've ever done is let you down. I've lied to you. I've harmed you. I've shut you out. I thought I was protecting you - from the world, from what happened tonight - but all I've ever really done is hurt you."

Cas couldn't listen to it anymore. He hated more than anything to listen to Dean speak so harshly about himself. It made Cas madder than hell when he listened to John beat him all to hell over something that wasn't even supposed to be a problem. But it broke his heart when he heard Dean in the aftermath of it all. It absolutely shattered him when he listened to what John had turned Dean into. 

He didn't use comforting words then. Dean would never have believed them anyway. He didn't try to console him or kill the stupid, drunk son of a bitch that had messed with his mind. No, he did what he had longed for for an impossibly long time. 

Castiel kissed Dean Winchester. 

There were no fireworks. There were no life-shattering revelations or world-healing miracles. There were tears and hands clutching so tightly that all feeling was lost. 

And then it was over. 

Dean let out a strangled sob as he pulled away from Cas, still clutching at his white button-down. He was so overwhelmed with emotion - sadness and anger and fear and relief - that he collapsed. 

Cas wrapped his arms around him, gingerly protecting his broken ribs and cut face. He cradled Dean in his arms and rubbed a calloused hand soothingly up and down his back. 

"You are worth the world to me, Dean Winchester."


End file.
